I am not adjusting very well to having two kiddos. After 6 months I worry about Kylan daily and I feel horrible that I just don't have the patience to handle his crazy love of Faith.
Oh how I worry. I worry about whether he's getting enough attention and feel bad that I don't give him more but Faith needs me... {sigh} everyone needs me {head hang}. I'm not enough for everyone and I'm not enough for anyone.
My sweet Faith has been trying to learn to crawl for the past few weeks; this is what I am blaming for her new awful sleeping habits. She will not sleep at daycare lately unless someone is holding her and sadly they do not have the time to hold her for a 2-3 hour nap. At home she sleeps in a carrier (thank you Boba I would never survive without you). But after 3+ hour with a baby on my back I want some personal space and for no one to need me for anything (and my back hurts if I pick the wrong carrier).
Oh Kylan, why won't you listen to me? I can ask you a hundred times to pick something up or to get your clothes on and unless I YELL you either don't hear me or don't think I mean it...I'm not sure which. Maybe I should have been yelling at you since you were 1, then maybe you'd know I mean it. {head hang} I hate to yell. I ask nicely. I say please. Yelling feels like being a bad mom. I love you, I don't want to yell. {sigh} We'll get through this I'm sure, we have to, for time waits for no man. I just wish I knew how to handle it better. I feel like I stink at this whole mom thing these days {tears}.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
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